Building resilience during IVF – how to cope with the highs and lows

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Building emotional resilience during IVF treatment can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

What is resilience?

‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1

Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.

Resilience improves your wellbeing during fertility treatment

Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:

    • Fewer depressive symptoms
    • Improved adaptation to stress
    • Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
    • Improved physical health.

 

How to build resilience during fertility treatment

Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.

Grow supportive connections

Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.

Manage uncertainty

During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.

But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.

Set small, achievable goals

The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4

So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.

Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.

Sprinkle in some joy

There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).

Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.

Take the time to reflect

Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:

      • What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
      • What didn’t work well?
      • Who were the best people to help you at those times?

Take these learnings about building resilience during your IVF journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.

Connect with our supportive counselling team

Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.

At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.

Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.

References

  1. American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
  2. Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
  3. Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
  4. Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩ ↩ ↩

Coping with infertility during the festive season – a practical guide

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The end of the year can also act as a marker in time – a point that highlights how much has happened over the past twelve months or how much remains unchanged – which can intensify emotions, especially when fertility plans haven’t unfolded as hoped.

If the season isn’t feeling festive, that is completely okay. Social traditions aren’t fixed, and your wellbeing deserves to come first. The following strategies can help you move through the coming weeks in a way that feels more manageable.

Manage social expectations

Turning down invitations can feel uncomfortable, yet protecting your emotional space is important. Keep responses simple and polite to avoid unnecessary pressure – a brief ‘Sorry, that plan doesn’t suit me’ allows you to step back without oversharing.

Prepare for gatherings

If you decide to attend a social event, a few gentle boundaries can make the experience easier:

  • Set a time limit that feels comfortable – even a short visit counts
  • Stay occupied with tasks, such as cooking or helping with tidying, to avoid conversations that feel difficult
  • Acknowledge that the year has been challenging without going into detail, which helps others understand if you need to leave early.

If you’re attending with a trusted person, consider agreeing on a subtle signal that indicates you need a break. Planning transport in advance can also offer a smoother exit if emotions shift.

Celebrate your way

There is no one ‘correct’ way to spend the holiday season. A quiet night at home, a short getaway, or a relaxed catch-up with close friends may feel more grounding. Joy can take many forms, and it doesn’t need to look traditional.

Prioritise rest and self-care

Use this time to rest, recharge and step back from the intensity of treatment. Some options that may support your wellbeing include:

  • Booking a massage or spa day
  • Taking a short trip to the beach or countryside
  • Enjoying a good book, movie marathon or creative pastime.

Give yourself permission to slow down and look after your emotional and physical wellbeing.

Reflect and plan ahead

The close of the year can be an opportunity to gently reassess your journey. You may find clarity by breaking bigger decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. Consider what choices may be available to you in 2026, how you can continue prioritising your wellbeing, and what actions could help you reset and begin the new year with renewed energy and perspective.

Reach out for support

Support is invaluable when emotions become heavy. Lean on friends, family (pets included!) or a trusted support person whenever you need space to talk or simply feel heard. Let others know what would help, whether it’s company, calm or room to process things in your own time.

Whatever this season looks like for you, your feelings are valid. Treat yourself with patience and kindness as you move through it.

If you’d like professional support, the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help. Call us on (03) 8080 8933 or email [email protected].

The real cost of egg freezing – a candid conversation between Dr Nicole Hope and Victoria Devine

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Understanding egg freezing and the costs

Victoria Devine aims to make finance easier in every area of life, including fertility care. To do this, she strongly advocates that you take the time to do your research. Whether it be a new sweater, a first home or your future fertility – it pays to educate yourself first.

Victoria sat down with Dr Hope and asked her all about egg freezing. With a straightforward clarity that comes from her decades of fertility experience, Dr Hope outlined the egg freezing and IVF processes, and the differences between the two. She also explained how fertility care is timed to match the natural rhythms of your body. For this reason, a lot of fertility treatments are timed around your menstrual cycle.

‘The body has it all worked out and everything we do is actually trying to mimic or replicate what happens in the body,’ said Dr Hope.

Having covered the fundamentals, Victoria and Dr Hope then dived into the costs of egg freezing and IVF, as well as who is eligible for Medicare deductions to their fertility treatment. Dr Hope also discussed some of the patient financing options available to help people manage the costs of fertility care more comfortably.

Cutting out hidden fees at Newlife IVF

When it comes to any major expenses, Victoria recommends that it can be helpful to budget for both the known costs and any additional expenses that may come your way. In the case of egg freezing – depending on the healthcare provider you choose – you may have costs tacked on outside of the initial quote.

This is why at Newlife IVF, transparency with patients is a priority. It is rare for a patient to receive an unexpected or additional cost – and if there is a medical need for one, this will always be discussed beforehand.

‘People shouldn’t be getting too many extra costs outside what they are quoted,’ said Dr Hope.

Dr Hope also explained that all Newlife IVF patients receive an appointment with a member of the finance team before any treatment is started. This appointment helps people understand the costs of treatments and services, and the financing options available, which can help them make informed decisions about whether the treatment/service is right for them.

Infertility is more common than you may think

To complement Dr Hope’s fertility guidance, Victoria shared her own pregnancy experience, as well as the fertility journeys of some of her friends. It quickly became clear how varied fertility journeys can be and that there is no one-size-fits-all for family planning. This led Victoria to ask if there are any factors that can affect someone’s fertility.

Dr Hope explained that the quality of a woman’s eggs is one of the main contributors to their chances of having a baby. She added that although egg quality is affected by many factors, age is often the most crucial.

‘For women, the single biggest thing that predicts when we can get pregnant is our age,’ said Dr Hope.

Drawing on her proactive approach to fertility treatment, Dr Hope also talked through what people can do to improve their egg quality at any age.

A brief background about the webinar presenters

Victoria Devine is a multi-award-winning financial advisor, business owner, podcaster and author. She hosts the popular podcasts She’s on the Money and The Property Playbook, and is the CEO of Zella, a financial services company. Through all her ventures, Victoria aims to transform the way millennials think about money to make their financial dreams achievable.

Dr Nicole Hope is a highly experienced fertility specialist and the Medical Director of Newlife IVF. She also holds an advanced Certificate in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility (CREI). This is the highest level of qualification you can have in fertility care and less than 100 Australian fertility specialists have it! Above all, Dr Hope is passionate about helping her patients start or grow their families, and she prioritises the importance of providing the right information and support at each step of fertility care.

Learn more about the financial side of egg freezing

Watch the webinar for a full breakdown of egg freezing, the costs and the financing options available.

Balancing work and fertility treatment

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For instance, it can feel overwhelming when you have to manage multiple appointments – including tests, scans and procedures – alongside a busy work schedule. Below, we explore common patient experiences when navigating a career as well as fertility treatment, along with advice from our counsellors to help you manage this balancing act.

To tell or not to tell

Some people find it easier to communicate with their workplace manager about their upcoming fertility treatment so that they can negotiate time off or flexible working arrangements when beginning a treatment cycle. Being upfront and open about what is required of you throughout your fertility treatment journey can help you and your manager plan around the quantity of work you can do, along with arrangements to suit your treatment schedule, such as reduced travel, flexible hours or the option to work from home if needed.

Unfortunately, there are instances where workplaces are not supportive of their employees, and women choose to withhold their family-building plans from their workplace for fear of discrimination or missing out on opportunities due to future pregnancy. If you elect not to disclose your fertility treatment with your workplace, have a plan in place to help you manage your scheduled appointments, including time off work for your procedures. Without going into the specific details, you may consider disclosing that you are ‘having a medical procedure’ and leave it at that.

Managing questions

Having your colleagues ask questions about your fertility or why you’ve had time off lately is a common experience for many of our patients. Some people are inherently curious about your family-building plans even though it isn’t necessarily their business. Just as you may be doing with family and friends, you might consider having a plan to manage these questions. For instance, coming up with some standard responses can be a good trick to have up your sleeve so that you can reply promptly and nip that curiosity in the bud.

If you’ve already opened up to others about your infertility, you might find yourself fielding questions. For instance, there may be interest about when you’re starting treatment or how far along you are in your treatment cycle, along with how you’re feeling and whether you’re pregnant yet. While these questions are often well-intended and come from a good place, sometimes they are misplaced or poorly timed.

If you have told others about your fertility treatment journey, consider setting boundaries with them from the start – let them know that you will update them when you have news or need their support, and kindly ask them to give you space during this time. For many patients, the workplace can serve as a place to remain busy and distracted, so being interrupted with questions related to your fertility treatment can impinge on your ability to distract yourself.

Should I take leave?

Patients often ask us for advice on whether they should take a few days or weeks off work during their treatment. In our experience, this decision is highly individual and often determined by whether it is financially viable for you to do so or if you have enough annual leave accrued to facilitate this.

During our counselling sessions, we also discuss whether it is helpful to maintain a normal routine. On one hand, sticking to your routine can give you a sense of normalcy and preserve your emotional health and wellbeing. Meanwhile, extended leave from work may leave you feeling like you have too much time on your hands, causing you to ruminate on your treatment. On the other hand, if you find that work is exacerbating your distress about your fertility journey, perhaps it’s worth considering a few days of planned leave or working from home during the more stressful periods of your treatment cycle.

We generally advise patients to take a day off work on the day of egg collection (and likely the next day). While there is a lesser need to do so for intrauterine insemination (IUI) and embryo transfers, it can be an opportunity for you to have a day off to do something enjoyable and celebrate. After all, you may have just made a baby! Taking sick leave for these days is how most patients manage their treatment, and you will be given a medical certificate on the day of your procedure to accommodate this.

Self-care at work

Some patients have found that they are less engaged and ‘switched on’ at work while undertaking fertility treatment or that they are falling short of their usual high standards. In these instances, it’s important to remind yourself that your medications (which mimic your body’s hormones) and the potential stress of fertility issues can affect how you function at work. You also may find that your focus shifts away from work and towards the practical and emotional demands of fertility treatment.

Making your work a lesser priority can feel strange and uncomfortable, particularly if you have a strong work ethic. It may take some time to adjust to these new feelings, so be kind to yourself in this space – and be mindful of the pressure you place on yourself at work. Consider lowering the expectations you have for yourself. You don’t always need to function at 100% capacity.

You may find that telling a trusted colleague about your treatment can help provide you with emotional support and practical help when dealing with these feelings. Perhaps even consider devising strategies for when you’re feeling under pressure, such as leaving your office for a walk, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises, talking to your support person or a friend, or even leaving work early.

Our counselling team is here to help

The Newlife IVF counsellors are very experienced in providing support during and after IVF treatment. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact us. You can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to talk with you over the phone, so you don’t have to take more time off work.