PCOS is now PMOS – a more accurate name for a complex condition

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PCOS is under-researched relative to its prevalence, which creates genuine knowledge and training gaps among healthcare providers. It’s also a complex, multisystem condition that rarely follows a textbook presentation, making diagnosis feel arbitrary and the path forward unclear.

Many of my patients arrive carrying that same frustration, alongside a tangle of unanswered questions, such as:

  • ‘Do I actually have cysts?’
  • ‘Why are my symptoms so different from what I’ve read online?’
  • ‘Why has no one explained how all of this fits together?’

If any of this sounds familiar, know that your confusion is not a reflection of you – it reflects a system that hasn’t yet caught up with the complexity of this condition. But that is changing.

In 2026, after years of research and global collaboration, PCOS was officially renamed PMOS (polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome). And while that may sound like a simple change in terminology, it represents something far more significant – a long-overdue shift in how this condition is understood and how people living with it are cared for.

Why did the name need to change?

The term ‘polycystic ovary syndrome’ has always been misleading. It implies the condition is defined by cysts on the ovaries, but many people with this diagnosis don’t have ovarian cysts at all. What appear as ‘cysts’ on ultrasound are often immature follicles – not true cysts in the clinical sense.

More importantly, PMOS is not just an ovarian condition. What we now understand is that it’s a complex hormonal and metabolic syndrome affecting multiple systems throughout the body, extending well beyond the reproductive organs.

The old name unintentionally narrowed the focus to the ovaries, and patients paid the price with delayed or no diagnoses. In fact, it’s estimated that up to 70% of people with this condition don’t know they have it.1 Symptoms beyond the reproductive system, such as weight changes, insulin resistance and mood disturbances, were routinely overlooked. Some people were told they didn’t have the condition simply because their ultrasound looked normal.

This renaming isn’t cosmetic. It’s a correction of decades of misunderstanding. And for many, it will mean the difference between feeling dismissed or properly seen by your healthcare practitioner.

What PMOS actually means

PMOS may sound like a more complex term, but it is far more accurate. The new name reflects three interconnected aspects of the condition:

  • Polyendocrine – multiple hormonal systems are involved, not just the ovaries
  • Metabolic – the condition affects how your body regulates insulin, energy and weight
  • Ovarian – ovulation and reproductive function remain part of the picture.

Put simply, PMOS recognises that your symptoms are connected, not random. Irregular cycles, acne, excess hair growth, difficulty losing weight, mood changes and fertility challenges are not separate, unrelated problems. Rather, they are different expressions of the same underlying hormonal disruption.

And importantly, this is a condition we understand and manage far better today than ever before.

What this means for you

For many people, this change validates what they have felt all along – that their symptoms are real, that they are connected, and that they deserve more than piecemeal care.

You may also find that conversations with your healthcare team are approached differently. Rather than focusing primarily on your menstrual cycle or the appearance of your ovaries on ultrasound, there is likely to be greater emphasis on hormone balance, metabolic health (particularly insulin resistance) and long-term wellbeing, including cardiovascular risk and mental health.

This holistic approach is exactly what many patients have been asking for.

A question I’m often asked: ‘Will my menstrual cycle become regular again?’

In many cases, the answer is yes.

PMOS often disrupts ovulation through a combination of hormonal imbalance and insulin resistance. When we address these underlying drivers, we frequently see menstrual cycles becoming more regular, ovulation returning and symptoms improving more broadly.

That said, there is no quick fix. For most patients, meaningful and lasting improvement comes from consistent, sustainable changes built up over time – not from any single intervention.

Lifestyle as medicine

Lifestyle changes are the first-line treatment for PMOS because they directly target the two core drivers of the condition – insulin resistance and hormone dysregulation.

This doesn’t mean extremes or perfection. It means:

  • Nourishing your body with foods that stabilise blood sugar
  • Moving regularly in a way that feels sustainable, not punishing
  • Prioritising sleep and managing stress.

Even small, consistent shifts can have a meaningful impact on ovulation and menstrual cycle regularity.

When lifestyle changes aren’t enough

For some people, lifestyle changes alone won’t fully address their symptoms. This is a reflection of the condition’s complexity, not a personal failing.

Depending on your symptoms and goals, we may consider:

  • Hormonal treatments to regulate the menstrual cycle and reduce the effects of elevated androgens (responsible for symptoms like acne and excess hair growth)
  • Medications, such as metformin, to support insulin function and metabolic health
  • Ovulation induction if you’re trying to conceive a baby.

These aren’t a sign of failure or of doing something wrong. They are simply additional tools – ones that work best when built on the foundation of the lifestyle changes already discussed.

Looking after the whole of you

One of the most important shifts that comes with the PMOS reframing is that your care should extend beyond physical symptoms alone. This condition doesn’t just affect your ovaries – it affects how you feel in your body every day, and your care should reflect that.

The mental and emotional toll of living with a complex diagnosis, sometimes compounded by years of feeling unheard, deserves the same attention as your physical symptoms. So too does the impact that visible symptoms, such as acne, hair changes and weight shifts, can have on body image and self-esteem. Equally important is monitoring the long-term health risks associated with PMOS, particularly an elevated risk of type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease – both of which are very manageable with the right support.

What this means if you’ve been living with PMOS

If you’ve struggled with a confusing or inaccurate diagnosis, this new name is significant as it represents a fundamental shift in how the condition is understood, not just what it’s called.

Your symptoms are not random, your experience is valid, and your care should be as individual as you are.

At Newlife IVF, we approach PMOS not as a label to manage, but as an opportunity to truly understand your body and build a path forward that feels achievable.

So if you’re living with PMOS and would like expert advice about ways to improve your chances of getting pregnant, you can make an appointment with one of our fertility specialists by calling Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933 or by booking online via our appointments page.

Reference

  1. World Health Organisation [Internet]. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Jan 2026 [cited 2026 2 June]. Available from: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/polycystic-ovary-syndrome

The costs of IVF – financing your fertility journey

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A fertility specialist for over 15 years and our Medical Director, Dr Nicole Hope wanted to cut through the noise with honesty, transparency and practical guidance for women who are curious, anxious or currently in the thick of fertility treatment. Because if greater financial clarity can ease even some of the stress that comes with this journey, that’s reason enough.

Here’s a glimpse of what Nicole and Victoria covered.

Know before you go – understanding your treatment options

Egg freezing and IVF are often spoken about interchangeably, but as Nicole explained to Victoria, they’re not the same thing. Both involve hormone injections and egg collection. But where egg freezing preserves your eggs for potential future use, IVF takes things a step further, fertilising the eggs to create embryos.

It’s also worth knowing that IVF isn’t necessarily where the journey starts – or ends up – for everyone. Nicole was quick to reassure Victoria that many women don’t need to go down the path of IVF at all.

‘Just because you make an appointment with a fertility specialist, it doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily going to be doing IVF next month. They would initially organise all these tests, and sometimes there may be something that you can treat without doing IVF,’ said Nicole.

A GP referral to a fertility specialist can kick off the investigation process, and from there, a simpler treatment like ovulation induction or IUI (intrauterine insemination) may be all that’s needed. As for when to seek help, Nicole’s view is clear: you don’t need to wait a full year before reaching out, especially if fertility worries are already weighing on you. Getting the ball rolling early, even with a GP visit, is never a bad idea.

The financial side of fertility treatment – comparing apples with oranges

When it comes to choosing a clinic, headline prices can be misleading. As Nicole explained to Victoria, success rates are arguably the more important number to focus on. A clinic advertising lower costs but delivering lower success rates may end up costing you more in the long run – both financially and emotionally – if it means going through additional rounds of treatment. The government-funded website YourIVFSuccess is a useful starting point, allowing you to compare success rates across Australian clinics.

Beyond success rates, it pays to scrutinise what’s included in a clinic’s quoted price – and perhaps more importantly, what isn’t. Hidden costs, such as embryo freezing or best-practice techniques like EmbryoScope and EmbryoGlue, aren’t always reflected in advertised fees and can inflate your bill significantly. Always ask for an itemised quote before committing.

‘At Newlife IVF, our costs are generally quite inclusive. By which I mean they include the doctor’s fees during an IVF cycle, freezing the eggs or embryos during your treatment, and the extra lab techniques we consider best practice, like EmbryoScope and EmbryoGlue,’ said Nicole.

For those exploring how to fund treatment, there are a few avenues worth knowing about. Accessing your superannuation is possible, but only on mental health grounds, requiring documentation from a GP or psychiatrist. As Nicole noted, most patients navigating IVF do experience some degree of anxiety or depression related to their fertility journey, meaning that this pathway is more accessible than it might initially seem.

And if you’re considering a loan for IVF treatment, Victoria’s advice is straightforward: do your research and compare your options before signing anything.

To help make the cost of IVF or egg freezing more manageable, you may consider flexible, low-interest payment plan. Our finance team is available to walk you through this option or help find an arrangement that works for your circumstances.

Financial considerations are an important and very real part of fertility treatment, and they can influence decisions about timing, options and access to care. However, as Nicole has highlighted, the impact of treatment extends well beyond the financial investment. There is a significant emotional cost that patients often carry, including feelings of uncertainty, hope, disappointment and the cumulative stress of repeated cycles or complex decisions. Balancing these financial and emotional demands can be challenging, underscoring the need for care that supports not just the clinical and financial aspects, but also the psychological wellbeing of patients throughout their journey.

Tune in now

This is just a taste of what to expect from the full episode – rich with fertility treatment insights and financial guidance from two experts at the top of their fields. Watch or listen now for a complete breakdown of the costs, the hidden fees and the financing options available to you.

Taking time to prepare for Mother’s Day

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If you think the day may feel tender, give yourself permission to set kind boundaries. This might look like planning a shorter visit or deciding on a clear arrival and departure time before attending an event.

Wanting to ‘show up’ for others is understandable, but it can be exhausting when you’re already carrying so much. Self-care isn’t selfish. You are allowed to prioritise what you need.

Plan with care

Planning ahead can make the day easier. If it feels supportive, you may want to connect with family and acknowledge the mother figures in your life. However, if the thought of doing so feels too painful and likely to heighten feelings of grief or sadness, it’s also okay to say no to these events.

Additional strategies that may help you manage the day include:

  • Preparing a simple response if people ask questions about your fertility journey, so you’re not caught in the moment
  • Planning a small ‘aftercare’ moment for later in the day – perhaps a restorative bath, an early night or your favourite meal
  • Choosing someone you trust to check in with throughout the day – a person you can text or call when you need to share how you’re feeling
  • If attending an event, agree on a signal with your partner indicating that you need to step away
  • Reminding yourself that whatever you feel – sadness, anger or even numbness – is valid.

You may prefer to shift the focus and do something nurturing instead – on your own, with your partner or with friends. Consider activities with fewer reminders, like a walk or bike ride, a movie or a quiet meal at home.

Communicate

If it feels right, share how you’re feeling with someone you trust. Talking through a plan for the day with your partner or a close friend can make a real difference – as can letting family know what you do (and don’t) feel up to.

If you’re supporting someone going through fertility treatment, consider checking in beforehand. Asking what they’d prefer to do on the day can ease the pressure and help them feel less alone.

Social media and advertising

Mother’s Day can be hard to escape online and in advertising, and those reminders may feel especially confronting. If you’re finding it difficult, that’s completely understandable.

If it helps, consider reducing your exposure to social media around this time – unsubscribe from marketing emails, opt out of promotional content or plan a social media break on the day.

Personalised support

Please remember our counsellors are here to support you. If you’d like to talk, we encourage you to reach out. Whatever you’re feeling leading up to and during this day is valid, and you don’t have to carry it on your own.

Building resilience during IVF – how to cope with the highs and lows

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Building emotional resilience during IVF treatment can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

What is resilience?

‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1

Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.

Resilience improves your wellbeing during fertility treatment

Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:

    • Fewer depressive symptoms
    • Improved adaptation to stress
    • Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
    • Improved physical health.

 

How to build resilience during fertility treatment

Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.

Grow supportive connections

Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.

Manage uncertainty

During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.

But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.

Set small, achievable goals

The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4

So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.

Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.

Sprinkle in some joy

There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).

Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.

Take the time to reflect

Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:

      • What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
      • What didn’t work well?
      • Who were the best people to help you at those times?

Take these learnings about building resilience during your IVF journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.

Connect with our supportive counselling team

Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.

At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.

Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.

References

  1. American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
  2. Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
  3. Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
  4. Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩ ↩ ↩

Coping with infertility during the festive season – a practical guide

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The end of the year can also act as a marker in time – a point that highlights how much has happened over the past twelve months or how much remains unchanged – which can intensify emotions, especially when fertility plans haven’t unfolded as hoped.

If the season isn’t feeling festive, that is completely okay. Social traditions aren’t fixed, and your wellbeing deserves to come first. The following strategies can help you move through the coming weeks in a way that feels more manageable.

Manage social expectations

Turning down invitations can feel uncomfortable, yet protecting your emotional space is important. Keep responses simple and polite to avoid unnecessary pressure – a brief ‘Sorry, that plan doesn’t suit me’ allows you to step back without oversharing.

Prepare for gatherings

If you decide to attend a social event, a few gentle boundaries can make the experience easier:

  • Set a time limit that feels comfortable – even a short visit counts
  • Stay occupied with tasks, such as cooking or helping with tidying, to avoid conversations that feel difficult
  • Acknowledge that the year has been challenging without going into detail, which helps others understand if you need to leave early.

If you’re attending with a trusted person, consider agreeing on a subtle signal that indicates you need a break. Planning transport in advance can also offer a smoother exit if emotions shift.

Celebrate your way

There is no one ‘correct’ way to spend the holiday season. A quiet night at home, a short getaway, or a relaxed catch-up with close friends may feel more grounding. Joy can take many forms, and it doesn’t need to look traditional.

Prioritise rest and self-care

Use this time to rest, recharge and step back from the intensity of treatment. Some options that may support your wellbeing include:

  • Booking a massage or spa day
  • Taking a short trip to the beach or countryside
  • Enjoying a good book, movie marathon or creative pastime.

Give yourself permission to slow down and look after your emotional and physical wellbeing.

Reflect and plan ahead

The close of the year can be an opportunity to gently reassess your journey. You may find clarity by breaking bigger decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. Consider what choices may be available to you in 2026, how you can continue prioritising your wellbeing, and what actions could help you reset and begin the new year with renewed energy and perspective.

Reach out for support

Support is invaluable when emotions become heavy. Lean on friends, family (pets included!) or a trusted support person whenever you need space to talk or simply feel heard. Let others know what would help, whether it’s company, calm or room to process things in your own time.

Whatever this season looks like for you, your feelings are valid. Treat yourself with patience and kindness as you move through it.

If you’d like professional support, the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help. Call us on (03) 8080 8933 or email [email protected].

Balancing work and fertility treatment

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For instance, it can feel overwhelming when you have to manage multiple appointments – including tests, scans and procedures – alongside a busy work schedule. Below, we explore common patient experiences when navigating a career as well as fertility treatment, along with advice from our counsellors to help you manage this balancing act.

To tell or not to tell

Some people find it easier to communicate with their workplace manager about their upcoming fertility treatment so that they can negotiate time off or flexible working arrangements when beginning a treatment cycle. Being upfront and open about what is required of you throughout your fertility treatment journey can help you and your manager plan around the quantity of work you can do, along with arrangements to suit your treatment schedule, such as reduced travel, flexible hours or the option to work from home if needed.

Unfortunately, there are instances where workplaces are not supportive of their employees, and women choose to withhold their family-building plans from their workplace for fear of discrimination or missing out on opportunities due to future pregnancy. If you elect not to disclose your fertility treatment with your workplace, have a plan in place to help you manage your scheduled appointments, including time off work for your procedures. Without going into the specific details, you may consider disclosing that you are ‘having a medical procedure’ and leave it at that.

Managing questions

Having your colleagues ask questions about your fertility or why you’ve had time off lately is a common experience for many of our patients. Some people are inherently curious about your family-building plans even though it isn’t necessarily their business. Just as you may be doing with family and friends, you might consider having a plan to manage these questions. For instance, coming up with some standard responses can be a good trick to have up your sleeve so that you can reply promptly and nip that curiosity in the bud.

If you’ve already opened up to others about your infertility, you might find yourself fielding questions. For instance, there may be interest about when you’re starting treatment or how far along you are in your treatment cycle, along with how you’re feeling and whether you’re pregnant yet. While these questions are often well-intended and come from a good place, sometimes they are misplaced or poorly timed.

If you have told others about your fertility treatment journey, consider setting boundaries with them from the start – let them know that you will update them when you have news or need their support, and kindly ask them to give you space during this time. For many patients, the workplace can serve as a place to remain busy and distracted, so being interrupted with questions related to your fertility treatment can impinge on your ability to distract yourself.

Should I take leave?

Patients often ask us for advice on whether they should take a few days or weeks off work during their treatment. In our experience, this decision is highly individual and often determined by whether it is financially viable for you to do so or if you have enough annual leave accrued to facilitate this.

During our counselling sessions, we also discuss whether it is helpful to maintain a normal routine. On one hand, sticking to your routine can give you a sense of normalcy and preserve your emotional health and wellbeing. Meanwhile, extended leave from work may leave you feeling like you have too much time on your hands, causing you to ruminate on your treatment. On the other hand, if you find that work is exacerbating your distress about your fertility journey, perhaps it’s worth considering a few days of planned leave or working from home during the more stressful periods of your treatment cycle.

We generally advise patients to take a day off work on the day of egg collection (and likely the next day). While there is a lesser need to do so for intrauterine insemination (IUI) and embryo transfers, it can be an opportunity for you to have a day off to do something enjoyable and celebrate. After all, you may have just made a baby! Taking sick leave for these days is how most patients manage their treatment, and you will be given a medical certificate on the day of your procedure to accommodate this.

Self-care at work

Some patients have found that they are less engaged and ‘switched on’ at work while undertaking fertility treatment or that they are falling short of their usual high standards. In these instances, it’s important to remind yourself that your medications (which mimic your body’s hormones) and the potential stress of fertility issues can affect how you function at work. You also may find that your focus shifts away from work and towards the practical and emotional demands of fertility treatment.

Making your work a lesser priority can feel strange and uncomfortable, particularly if you have a strong work ethic. It may take some time to adjust to these new feelings, so be kind to yourself in this space – and be mindful of the pressure you place on yourself at work. Consider lowering the expectations you have for yourself. You don’t always need to function at 100% capacity.

You may find that telling a trusted colleague about your treatment can help provide you with emotional support and practical help when dealing with these feelings. Perhaps even consider devising strategies for when you’re feeling under pressure, such as leaving your office for a walk, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises, talking to your support person or a friend, or even leaving work early.

Our counselling team is here to help

The Newlife IVF counsellors are very experienced in providing support during and after IVF treatment. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact us. You can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to talk with you over the phone, so you don’t have to take more time off work.

R U OK? – feeling supported during your fertility journey

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It’s easy to become distracted by the hustle and bustle of daily life, to the extent that you may forget to regularly check in with your loved ones. R U OK? Day promotes awareness of the importance of community and connection for mental wellbeing. It encourages you to slow down and pay attention to the cues and behaviours of people around you who may not be in a healthy headspace. Additionally, R U OK? Day can inspire you to connect with others in a more meaningful way, building social bonds and healthy relationships.

It’s OK to not feel ‘OK’

Experiencing a spectrum of emotions is part of your basic human nature. Despite this, society often imposes restrictive views about emotional health. It’s common for feelings such as anger or sadness to be viewed with negativity, while joy or contentment are seen as ‘healthy’.

Your emotional responses have an important use, providing you with information about your lived experiences – both past and present. For instance, emotions can be a signal that you’re overextended and need support, or they can help you identify when something in your life needs to change. Recognising this is an important part of self-reflection and personal development. Therefore, remind yourself that it’s OK to not feel ‘OK’ from time to time.

Got a feeling that someone you know is struggling?

Start a conversation – encourage your friends, family and colleagues to talk about their situation. Ask them questions such as ‘how are you going?’ or ‘what’s been happening?’ If someone speaks openly about the emotional hardships they are experiencing, including sadness, depression or anxiety, listen to them with an open mind, free of judgement. Sometimes, providing an empathetic ear is more beneficial than being solution-focused, as this acknowledges and validates how the person is feeling.

You may also consider asking if there is anything you can do to help. However, be mindful that some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. In instances such as these, where the person appears to be at risk, encourage them to contact a health professional – or offer your help to find the right person for them to talk to.

Our support network is here to help

For many of us, the answer to ‘R U OK?’ is neither yes nor no, but rather ‘sometimes.’ For people undergoing fertility treatment, feeling anger and sadness is often as much a part of the journey as experiencing hope and resilience. All of this is OK.

Remember that our counsellors are here to support you, so please reach out to the team if you would like to talk. Whatever you are feeling in the lead-up to this day, we are thinking of you and sending our best wishes.

Infertility, IVF and the festive season

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This post was contributed by Laura Oliver, one of Newlife IVF’s counsellors. 

Christmas often symbolises a time of joy and happiness. We plan celebratory events with family and friends, and take time to reflect on the end of another year. But this time of year can also be very difficult for women and couples who have been struggling with infertility and going through assisted reproductive treatment (ART) like IVF.

The focus at Christmas time is often on children and families, with Christmas cards and social media posts typically displaying pictures of family events or children with Santa. There can be a real sense of pressure to deliver good news at a time of year when many people are celebrating. However, if you’ve been struggling to fall pregnant or undergoing fertility treatment, the end of the year can serve as a painful marker that you have not achieved what you had hoped for this year, and for some of you, a reminder that yet another 12 months have gone by without a successful outcome.

All of this can bring up unwanted feelings of sadness, frustration, jealousy, anger and grief – and with a barrage of festive mementos and occasions around you to remind you that you’re not pregnant, it’s no wonder you feel this way!

Below are some tips on how you can manage the festive season while coping with fertility issues and undergoing treatment.

Be selective

Pre-plan and be selective about which events you attend at this time of year. If you do attend an event, consider how long to stay there for, and what you can do while there to minimise any feelings of stress or discomfort – for example, helping cook or wash up can help keep you busy and distracted, and may assist you to avoid topics of conversation you don’t want to be involved in.

Warn people in advance that you may find Christmas difficult – this doesn’t mean having to disclose information about your fertility; you can make more general references to having had a stressful or difficult year instead. Try to give your hosts time to understand that this year might look a little different for you, and to not be offended if you decide not to attend or only stay for a short while.

If you have a partner or a support person with you, plan a code word or signal to give when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation, or when you want to wind up and go home.

Celebrate

Celebrate how you want. Sometimes, this might feel a little selfish at a time when there are often traditions to uphold or family events to attend, but give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you at this time.

This could mean going away with a friend or just your partner (or staying home) and avoiding big family gatherings. Or starting a new tradition for this time of year. Do something that you know will bring you joy, no matter how small.

Re-charge

Use some of this holiday period to re-charge and take a break from treatment (if you feel you can). Take advantage of your time off work and prioritise self-care – pamper yourself! Get a massage, go away for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or the countryside, or curl up with a good book.

Reflect

Take some time to reflect on your IVF journey so far, and perhaps think about your plans for treatment moving forward. Is there anything you could do differently next year? What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all? Do you have questions to discuss with your specialist? Perhaps even think about how much longer you think you can continue with IVF treatment before needing to pause and reassess again.

Reflect on your own, with your partner (if you have one) or a support person. You could try using a journal to write down how you’re feeling, record the questions you may have, or come up with a list of pros and cons to aid future decision-making.

Ask for help

Use your supports (partner, family, friends) to help you work through any difficult feelings as they arise. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and the ways in which they can be of support to you. Be reassured that the way you are feeling, and the different types of emotions and thoughts that may be triggered at this time of year, are very normal. But we all cope in different ways, so make sure you do whatever it is you need to do to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the year to come. And above all else, remember to be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help. We can help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions. If you feel that you could benefit from the support of our counselling team, please call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933.

“So, when are you having a baby?”

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If you’re finding yourself in this situation more and more, it can be helpful to think ahead about how you and your partner (if you have one) might respond. By considering what information you are willing to share with others and who you are happy to share this information with, you’re less likely to feel at sixes and sevens when people raise this topic with you.

And if you do find yourself put on the spot, humour can be a great form of defence. Along these lines, we did some asking around and here are some serious and not-so-serious responses our patients reported giving when they had been confronted with this question in the past:

  • “I don’t know, but I’m starting on my list of free babysitters now. Can I put your name down?”
  • “As soon as I figure out how. Have you got any suggestions?”
  • “I knew there was something I’d forgotten to do!”
  • “I have a cat/dog – that’s enough responsibility for now.”
  • “I don’t know but wouldn’t it be nice if it was sooner rather than later!”
  • “Oh, we’re trying. Every day and twice on Sundays, since you ask.”
  • “We’re focusing on our careers for the next little while, then we’ll think about kids.”
  • “We’d love to have a baby but for whatever reason, it’s not happening for us yet. In the meantime, I’d prefer if you didn’t keep asking me about it. But we’ll be sure to shout it from the rooftops as soon as we are.”
  • “I’m sorry but that’s quite a sensitive issue for me/us. I’d rather not talk about it if that’s okay.”

We also asked these patients what they had found most helpful in terms of dealing with the emotions that these kinds of conversations can trigger. Here are some of their suggestions:

Allow yourself 15 minutes to dwell, then let it go

A common strategy for dealing with any stressful event is to put a time limit on how long you allow yourself to dwell or perseverate on what has happened. So, if you find yourself in this situation, set the timer on your phone for 5, 10 or 15 minutes – whatever you think is reasonable. But when the alarm goes off, do a Taylor Swift and commit to ‘shake it off’. If it helps, give your brain a physical cue to move on and think about something else: push the thoughts away with your hands, vigorously shake your head free of its thoughts, brush the load off your shoulders, dance off the negative vibes around the kitchen bench – then get on with your day.

Use the art of distraction

Distraction is a wonderful way to quickly shift negative or unpleasant thoughts. Immerse yourself in a jigsaw puzzle, watch a movie, try a new recipe, read a book – the task can be joyful or meditative or intensely difficult. It just needs to take you out of the present and transport you to a different place for a little while. This will give you some time out from your thoughts and help you to focus your mind elsewhere.

Find an outlet

Physically, emotions can leave us feeling uptight and strung out. Exercising is a great way to release some of the physical tension and reboot your energy. It also has the additional benefit of stimulating the release of feel-good endorphins, helping to lift your mood in a healthy way.

Or you may prefer to seek comfort in a creative outlet instead. If you like writing, keeping a journal can be a great way to process your feelings and document the ups and downs of your fertility journey. You could also use a journal to keep a list of questions you want to ask your doctor – questions that come to mind in the heat of the moment but you then forget when your thoughts and feelings settle down.

Consider opening up

And last but not least, it can be helpful to remember that people who ask you about having a baby are likely to be well-meaning family or friends who have no intention of hurting your feelings. If you are comfortable doing so, you can use this opportunity to open up and talk to them about your experiences – whether it’s the pressure of trying to fall pregnant, the challenge of dealing with a miscarriage or the loneliness of going through the process by yourself. Talking about your journey and its emotional toll can give people a better understanding of what you are going through. As the old adage goes: a problem shared is a problem halved. Being asked this question might just be the best form of therapy.

Help to fall pregnant

If you are struggling to conceive and would like professional advice on the next best steps to take on your fertility journey, you can make an appointment with one of our fertility specialists by calling Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933. You can also book online via our appointments page.

You may also find the following information useful:

Mind-body techniques that can help manage stress during your fertility journey

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How is this related to fertility? Individuals and couples dealing with fertility issues typically experience very high levels of stress and anxiety.1 Unfortunately, studies have shown an association between anxiety, elevations in cortisol (your body’s stress hormone) and fertility problems.2  This suggests that the actual stress of infertility may further hinder an individual’s or couple’s chances of conceiving. Mind-body techniques aim to address the mental and emotional wellbeing of an individual or couple trying to conceive and in doing so, help to reduce any role that stress may be playing in preventing them from falling pregnant.

Before I go on to explain some of the more common mind-body techniques, it’s important to be aware that high-quality evidence to support the use of these techniques in the setting of infertility is currently limited. This is because the effects of how we think and feel on our health can be difficult to measure. However, the research that does exist is certainly thought-provoking. There are also many passionate testimonials from individuals and couples who believe these techniques improved their overall health and wellbeing, and contributed to their success in getting pregnant by helping them to cope better with the challenges they were facing. Thus, while these techniques may not directly improve pregnancy rates, fertility specialists often offer them as an adjunct to other treatment in order to help patients/couples better manage the emotional toll and relationship stresses of fertility treatment, including IVF.

Some of the more popular techniques include:

1. Relaxation training

These techniques involve refocusing your attention on something that is calming to help relax the mind and body. There are many ways to achieve this, including breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation and progressive muscle relaxation. These techniques have been linked to reduced negative emotions in a range of patients, and more specifically, have been shown to reduce levels of anxiety in women undergoing fertility treatment.3 They are a good option because they can be practised almost anywhere and at little or no cost.

2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a form of psychotherapy (‘talking therapy’) that focuses on how our thoughts influence how we feel and what we do. It involves helping the patient to recognise negative and often repetitive thought patterns like “I can’t have a baby” or “It’s my fault that we aren’t conceiving”, and challenging them. In doing so, it encourages the individual to assess how realistic or rational their thoughts are, to be aware of the impact their thoughts may be having on how they are feeling, and to try and replace these thoughts with more helpful, positive ways of thinking. CBT may not directly change your ability to conceive, but it may help to improve your perspective on the challenges you are facing and your overall outlook, thereby reducing stress and anxiety.4

3. Mindfulness

Mindfulness refers to a state in which we are able to maintain a very clear focus on our present thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. It teaches us to be ‘in the moment’, so that we are less overwhelmed by past experiences and future concerns. A recent study demonstrated higher rates of pregnancy with IVF when women practised mindfulness, compared to those who did not.5  There is also strong evidence that mindfulness-based stress reduction can lower the levels of stress hormones in our body, and that being ‘more present’ can help a woman to better frame and process her experiences with fertility treatment.6

4. Social support

Infertility is often a silent struggle, and despite its prevalence, many women choose not to share their story with friends or family. If you are experiencing this, it can be helpful to identify someone who can empathise with you and provide a healthy outlet for any confusion and sadness you may be feeling. Social support has been found to be particularly helpful in cases where women are feeling isolated as a result of their infertility. There are now also many organised groups where people with fertility issues can come together to discuss and share their experiences, including face-to-face groups, peer support programs and online discussion forums. There is good evidence that participating in support groups can reduce distress and anxiety, improving both your quality of life and chances of pregnancy.3

5. Exercise

It is well recognised that physical activity can reap huge emotional benefits through the release of ‘feel-good’ hormones called endorphins. These hormones can act as both a pain reliever and happiness booster. Australian guidelines recommend at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity, such as walking or dancing, on most days of the week. If possible, some vigorous exercise, like cycling or running, should be performed at least once a week. Research into the effects of exercise on fertility has found that moderate exercise decreases the risk of miscarriage and increases the chances of conceiving in women undergoing assisted reproductive technology.7 Vigorous exercise has also been shown to reduce the risk of ovulation problems.7 Regular exercise can also lead to weight loss, which can help improve fertility if you are carrying extra weight.8

In conclusion, while further research is clearly needed in this area, using mind-body techniques throughout your fertility journey can certainly contribute to your physical and mental wellbeing as you strive to become pregnant. Here at Newlife IVF, we aim to provide individuals and couples with a genuinely supportive experience as they undergo fertility treatment. Our class-leading IVF counsellors are also available to meet with patients 1:1 and/or in organised group sessions over the course of their treatment journey. To make an appointment with one of our specialists for fertility treatment in Melbourne, call Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933. Alternatively, you can book online via our appointments page.

References

  1. Lakatos E et al. BMC Womens Health2017;17:48.
  2. Cwikel J et al. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol2004;117:126–131.
  3. Domar AD et al.Health Psychol 2000;19:568–575.
  4. Faramarzi et al. Int J Fertil Steril 2013;7:199–206.
  5. Li J et al.Behav Res Ther 2016;77:96–104.
  6. Nery SF et al. Stress Health2019;35:49–58.
  7. Homan G, Norman RJ Hum Reprod2012;27:2396–2404.
  8. Best D et al. Hum Reprod Update 2017;26(6):681–705.